girls gone wild vs. Jesus

January 31st, 2010
Oh Ngo...

Well.. since it’s Sunday, I feel like I should disclose a story that actually runs pretty deep…if you can look past the booze, blasphemy & titties. ha! sorry.. anyways…

My sophomore year at Sam Houston was just like the first; filled with drinking, drugs & stupid roommates. Luckily, that spring break, I wasn’t 21 yet and I lost my sister’s ID, (karma – i stole it.) so anyways, I chose to stay in town and work. ANYTHING that involves a 7 hour drive to South Padre Island with a bunch of idiot frat boys (‘frat’ is a little redundant..) & a bunch of crazy girls is subject to much disdain on my part.

Upon their return, Stacy (ex-roommate) was filling me in on all the titty gritty..and went on to say that things got so out of control that she “somehow” ended up with 8 t-shirts from Joe mother effing Francis’s brainchild, Girls Gone Wild.

Inner Monologue: EIGHT??!! WTF do you have to do and HOW MANY TIMES do you have to do it to get EIGHT shirts???!! - WTF! WOW…i am glad we don’t share a bathroom…

Oh no no…that’s not the worst….Here’s the worst: Apparently, Stacy, started to run low on money, and LOGICALLY, she was able to connect this “need” with the potential “value” in her willingness to perform sex acts for some sort of compensation, you know, like a t-shirt….ooooorrr $100. Yes, you read that right. Stacy & the other girl..were approached by non-girls gone wild- affiliated men.. who simply happened to witness their t-shirt shenanigans..and who LOGICALLY presumed that they might be willing to do “more”. They offered to pay $100 to see Stacy ‘perform a sex act’ on Cassie… SOLD!! Stacy aka ‘problem solver’ had found a way to actually ‘put her money where her mouth is’ and ended up turning a PROFIT, despite her previously dismal financial situation.

FFWD: Stacy is telling me this when we were in my car. I was driving us to the grocery store and trying to not look appalled the entire trip. BUT once we get to the store, things came to a head…

You see, I had set my purse in the backseat..Slutty McSlut Pants was in the passenger seat, and when I went to reach for my purse, I dropped my keys on the floor boards..spurring the following exchange:

Me: Oh God-damn…

Stacy: KRISSS!!!! DON’T SAY THAT!!! YOU SHOULDN’T TAKE THE LORD’S NAME IN VAIN!!

Me: Are you f*cking kidding me? You are a PROSTITUTE BY DEFINITION!? How bout.. DON’T come at me for ANYTHING that I say. EVER.

I can assure you, I don’t miss a beat when these rare opportunities present themselves. I don’t expect anything more than what I give to my friends. I don’t judge them & I expect the same…once that is off the table… it’s gloves off, and, I’m just sayin…

Jesus would probably rather be in my corner than a goddamned prostitute’s.

Even waaaay back when I was 19-20 years old…. I apparently had the same stick up my @ss. HAHAHAHA.. :)

See ya in hell, hooker!! :)