The Harvard Experience: pimps, hos & kinkos

Well, this little Ngo went to Harvard.
The same little Ngo, had bad hair.
Ngo’s little friend came to visit,
Despite that our parents, were not there

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Two, 16 year old girls.. Unsupervised in Cambridge, MA. Well, at least Jac looked like a girl, I looked more like a really tan little boy wearing a black helmet…

Anyway, you get it… Whiiich is actually more than our parents ‘got’ since they allowed this shitshow to even happen… Here’s a little background info:

UMMM.. WE WERE NEVER GOOD!! Jac and I were neighbors and best friends since 5. By the time we were 16 we had gotten in trouble for starting fires, shooting “arrows” at cars with our “bows”, ” We killed the one pretty tree in the front yard by sawing through the root with a goddamn hacksaw- because we were BORED. aaannnd we technically stole my stepdads truck. (sidenote: we might have smoked weed by then, but can’t say for sure..ha!) Regardless, we were pretty much perpetually grounded..

Question: Did our parents think that it was the CITY that we lived in’s fault? Like, “oooh! Jac & Kris together in CAMBRIDGE is a wonderful idea! They’ll skip off through The Yard clutching their poetry journals, play ring around the rosies, drink coffee at Au Bon Pain… I mean, of course, they’ll only have fun AFTER, Kris is finished studying for her INTENSIVE ECONOMICS class.

Well, good call guys! Because HERE is what actually transpired that week:

1. We committed a felony.. Maybe 2;

2. We hit up every 18+ club on Lansdowne St;

3. We took a bus to NYC;

4. We drank whiskey, then pina coladas at dinner in NYC; (another offensible crime)..

5. We were almost recruited by a PIMP on 5th Ave;

6. We slept at Port Authority, ooh!! Where we DID actually drink coffee at Au Bon Pain; (because apparently they frown on homeless hos sleeping in public)

We committed a felony.. Maybe 2

Jac and I were master document forgers. Keep in mind, this is back when AOL & NetScape were hot. So, of course Jac came to Boston PREPARED. She packed her latest creation: a fake 22 year old Jac’s TX driver’s license. So that’s one felony. The second, which I’m not sure of is; us talking the dudes at Kinkos into laminating the fucker. Coercion? Is that a felony? I mean we only threatened them with the possibility of being dbags.. Not like guns or anything :)

We hit up every 18+ club on Lansdowne St.

I had no fake ID, but I did have my Harvard student ID.. With no age.. and no door guy was going to turn down the hot blonde 22 year old & her little, brown, nerdy boyfriend.

We took a bus to NYC

Even after we were specifically told not to. What? Jac hadn’t been before..

We drank whiskey, then pina coladas at dinner in NYC

That’s the restaurant’s bad. They had some whiskey promotion sample and since they gave us that, we figured we could get what 16yr olds really like to drink. FRUIT. (so technically I couldve titled this: 2 girls, 2 felonies and a misdemeanor).

We were almost recruited by a PIMP on 5th Ave

That’s my bad probably.. I was wearing high heels and a had stopped to discreetly make some shoe adjustment and before I know it we were being approached by a black dude in a shiny suit with a 5-Star notebook claiming to be recruiting ‘paralegals’ which we all know is code for prostitute. 5-Star notebook dude? Really? “Mr. Important LAW PROFESSIONAL” and you’re using the same g*ddamn WIRE BOUND SPIRAL that WE use for f*cking HOMEWORK? Red flag.

We slept at Port Authority.

Again, my bad. I think..I was thinking port authority would be more ‘grand central-ey’. Where I remembered seeing people sleeping.. ps. IT’S NOT.

In the spirit of ending on a good note, Here’s what we didn’t do:

We didn’t check into the sleazy hotel with the shared bath. We almost did.. I’d rather be in an ALL public place than a room that gives a false sense of privacy…

False sense of privacy= false sense of security…

We also didn’t skip, write poetry, play ring around the rosies, turn tricks, die or study.