Reported on the www dot as blue skies in the morning, hot sun in the afternoon and cold enough at night to sleep warmed by a blanket and avoid waking up sans cover with your fella hanging out your boxers with a speech bubble saying, “CHEESE!”
Or am I paranoid?
So what happens? Us English, take our summer clothes, shorts and t-shirts, sombrero and speedos, whilst Texas enjoys the coldest fucking day in the history of the modern world post Ice Age, post Ice Ice Baby– it was TOO COLD…
What the Fuck happened?
Far from me to moan about your wonderful country as my ring tone remains “The Star Spangled Banner”. Please be advised if your sex life is not as it used to be, lay your woman out on the nearest rug, turn on the nearest fire and click on the STAR SPANGLY before standing proud above her nervous body and remember that God blessed America. ‘Cause if anyone could sing “God Save the Queen” without following it up with a drunken punch up and a pint of lager maybe our country would be as glorious as yours.
But on this occasion we cursed – God Bless my Jacket and Jeans cause they went missing in Texas.
So I didn’t put pen to paper to report on the weather nor your national anthem but to say, English in Texas was to go for the second year to the music festival South by Southwest, in Austin, TX.
Quick mental note. BEST HOLIDAY EVER.
So here’s a general recipe:
- Wake up at 8
- Go to Coffee shop and drink coffee when no one else is around due to being fucked up cause they are Rock and Roll Stars
- Go to breakfast bar and wait for English in Texas to arrive at pebbles to eleven
- Watch gigs and new awesome music from unknown, upcoming, simply excellent bands throwing in free beers and bbqs for the boys, but not for me.
- Go to bar at 4pm and booze until night falls.
- Go home drink water and sleep
- REPEAT
I’ll explain.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
Hello. I’m English Pat and I’m an Alcoholic, BUT… Did you hear me group members? That’s right. I’m an alcoholic with a beer in my right hand because I chose a new angle and–respect where respects due to you, comrades in the circle for also admitting to humans foe… But there are other ways.
I fought for 3 years to learn to deal with it and introduce Regulations to my piss ups.
I’ll set an example.
Day 1 – All day session thanks to sunshine, free beer, great music and the simple fact I didn’t have to click Ctrl-Alt-Delete within half an hour of opening my eyes.
Result. Argument about nothing with friend plus following hour of no arguing with friend before catching bus home and getting double angry cause I got lost in one of your jumbo sized super markets only to surface with a roast beef sandwich and packet of crisps (chips).
Conclusion. Must enjoy beer and not abuse beer.
Decision.
No booze before 4pm, only music and bands cause they really were awesome.
Beer after 4pm, because beer really is awesome and home, before everything else–becomes 1 over Awesome.
Fact – Holiday was the Dogs Bollocks.
No hangovers, no petty bullshit, arrived home feeling like I had indeed had a holiday, when in fact, I had been a rock and roll FUCKING STAR in Austin, Texas in the greatest country in the world.
SXSW uncovered the following bands – Geographer – Athlete – Nneka (Delphic)– Band of Skulls– Tobacco – Dirty Wormz and a whole host of others but trust me, Readers of OH-NGO you can’t ask for a finer week than waking up, meeting your mates, choosing to booze or not–before ending up boozing, to watch more music, eat hot dogs and hamburgers and pizzas and the women are of course, excellent.
BUT don’t be fooled by good looks my friends because personality goes a long way and there’s an old saying that next to every Hot Chick there’s a boyfriend that waits for the front door to shut before he whips his laptop out and starts Roughing The Quarter Back over his latest downloads.
The icing on the cake…. I MET OH NGO..
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