Post Office Hero...

A few years ago, back when the ‘Homeland Security’ cracked down on passports, but before they let people with bombs in their underwear through; I was set to go on a cruise and I needed to get my passport. Sadly enough, the last time I had been out of the country (further than Mexico), was like 6th grade…You do the math, or use your imagination, because I have no clue how old 6th graders are. I refuse to try to process this; as I already think about way too much shit in the first place and have actually developed some sort of mental block that prevents me from doing simple math.

Anyways, I hoof it on down to the USPS on a Saturday afternoon…

UUMMM…Either it was “kids mail shit free” day, or there was an actual f*cking circus job fair being held there that afternoon. There were at leeeeast 30 people in the waiting room with ever-so-stereotypical 1-inept guard.

Ngo’s Version of the USPS Passport Application Standard Operating Procedure:

1. Fill out application.

2. Write name in spiral notebook.

3. Try not to breathe in circus funk.

4. Wait.

5. Give 8 of the 12 kids running around the “death stare”.

6. Wait……

7. Take picture, pay & leave.

Well, one of the circus-folk’s kids took it upon himself to swipe the “sign-in” notebook and practice his f*cking cursive in it like it was a Highlights magazine, by writing every single one of his family member’s name in it.  As you can imagine, this drew some disapproving stares from the general non-circus folk.

Enter 1-inept guard:

*looks at spiral, goes to call next name, but notices the somewhat conspicuous list of at least 35 names all written in the same handwriting*

 1-inept guard asks gruffly:

 Whaat the?! Who wrote all these names? Did you do this? *looks at boy*

 *boy shakes head shamefully; hides behind mom*

 1-inept guard counters with:

 Wait, did you do this? Not all of these people are here! You can’t be writing them all down on this!! It’s gonna take all day to get through these..

Boy’s mother interjects:

Please, Miss, stop. You’re scaring my son.

 1-inept guard(but soon to be MY personal HERO & life-coach) retorts with:

This speaks volumes to me on soooo many levels: Kid-Worshippers; Jesus-freaks; Socialists; People who spell ‘country’ with a ‘K’; People who wear fanny-packs; Vegetarians; Smokers who want smoke breaks when other’s don’t get a non-smoking break; People with allergies and the goddamn BRAINLESS people who bring up pointless/mundane tasks that every person on earth deals with and attempt to pass it off as viable conversational fodder OR those who actually consider laundry, cleaning, or BREATHING A F*CKING ACCOMPLISHMENT worth discussing in a public forum….

Well, Guess what?

I DON’T GIVE A SHIT.

p.s. Here’s where to get your passport in Houston: