First of all, Nate:  Agreed.

Second:  WTF? The other dude’s comment is fucking disturbing.

I haven’t turned on my TV in over 2 months and I abso-fucking-lutely don’t miss it.  Not because I am trying to make a “TV is the devil” type of stand; I have just been too fucking busy and I could literally feel my brain atrophying with every viewing of the same bullshit show.

FFWD: Last week, I received the following email from my other super-smart-cousin (because he’s Asian and when you’re Asian, everyone is your cousin,) which inspired me to share his thoughts with you and expound, if you will.

Winner, winner, chicken dinner!!

1st course:

A spirited social analysis sprinkled with sarcasm and scorn.  ~T .Mane

In the wake of the Tiger Woods scandal we have already been bombarded by news of another high profile celebrity situation involving allegations of multiple extramarital affairs. That’s right; you can’t turn on a television without hearing news of the shake-up in Jesse James and Sandra Bullock’s relationship. The thing is I’m concerned that this type of exposure is a developing trend and that I will have to stomach all of these bullshit reports on wrongdoings and allegations from now on each and every time that I want to sit down and watch any broadcast involving current events or entertainment. God help me if they start reporting retroactively and going back throughout all of the years and decades in order to dig up information on steamy affairs, all in a lame attempt to boost ratings due to the public’s heightened interest in such reports.

The truth is that I’m already tired of this shit. I could care less how many times who fucked who and for how long the secretive relationship lasted. ALL of it is nothing beyond DRIVEL. The fact of the matter is that none of this exposure is going to do anything to change the morals and values that are already in disarray in this country. Times have changed and acceptance of lifestyle choices that used to be considered taboo have now either gained acceptance or seen decreased condemnation and only some old, wrinkly ass prune of a person should find any of these recent reports of adulterous behavior alarming in the least. I’m not saying that I condone being married and running around like a rabbit on Viagra trying to penetrate any orifice in sight, all that I’m stressing is that none of this surprises the younger demographic and that all of these situations are highly personal issues that should be discussed or resolved between the parties involved, not the entire nation.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that every problem has a core, and the core of the issue here is the guidelines of the marriages themselves. Muthafuckas need to either make the guidelines for their marriages more lax and allow for multiple partners without anyone trippin’ OR people simply don’t need to be getting married if they know they can’t be monogamous to someone who fully expects them to be. There, I solved the budding issue in American households that’s being brought to the forefront by all these douchebag reporters.

It really is that simple, bitch.

And I must reiterate once more, I’m tired of hearing about this shit on TV. Fuck ‘em.

Pussy: “But what about the children??”

Me: They’re not mine and I feel for them, but their parents should’ve exercised more caution before deciding to enter into a bond where they expect the other partner to fulfill stringent responsibilities (like a lifelong monogamous partnership).  Either that or they should’ve had a “fuck anyone without hearing you bitch, cry and moan” clause.

Amendment:

I just feel that American values need an overhaul just like the healthcare. I don’t feel that it needs to go back to the conservative standard, but that some sort of agreement needs to be made on outside relationships. Too many people have them and its almost becoming the norm.

And then there’s the uproar over the “sexy text messages.” And I’m like WTF? He didn’t even text anything even remotely saying something as SORDID as “get your slut-ass over to the Four Seasons and we’re gonna have wild monkey sex and you’re gonna think that was my tail poking you, you dirty whore” type of shit. I mean it’s all DRIVEL, none of it is shocking and it’s gonna take them months–or years to figure out that it’s revealing an ever-growing gap between expectations and new societal norms.

And all that shit’s keeping me from being entertained when I turn on the t.v.

2nd Course:

The Ngo Noodle. ~Oh Ngo…

Why should I or anyone else care about Sandra Bullock or Jesse James…OR especially Tiger Woods’ personal lives?  They’re ALL fucking idiots who couldn’t think as far as 1-fucking MICROMETER into the possibility that marriage might not be the best fucking idea.  Did they really not even consider the possible repercussions and irrefutable damage that an adulterous allegation would cause in each of their respective spheres of influence?

I figured it out:  It’s not that they’re selfish, or egomaniacal, or narcissistic megalomaniacs…They really just ARE that fucking stupid.

Even when celebrity and privilege afford these people an “easy” life, they STILL find new, inventive ways to blow it all to shit.

Do you ever wonder why Tiger couldn’t just “Clooney-it-up,”?  Well, here’s why:

Tiger Woods:  the biggest dork on the fucking planet.

vs.

George Clooney:  the white, male-version of Oprah (Like Clooney,  Oprah has fucked every white woman in America ages 18-55 …(by supporting Obama and not Hilary,not that I wanted Hilary to win..it’s just the principle)).

Now, George Clooney is on Ice-T’s level of gangster —in the sense that the b*tches that Clooney has on his roster don’t go to the press with their hands out because they know their place in the grand scheme of things.

I get it.  You get it.  They get it.  You will never see or hear Ice-T’s ex-ho’s/contract employees in the news, trying to make a dollar off a mother-fucking TEXT MESSAGE!  Why?  Because Ice-T was a real fucking PIMP who had real live HO”S.  He never led them on to believe that they were anything more than that.

George Clooney is trustworthy because you can trust that he will always be himself.  He knows that he’s not capable of a monogamous relationship, so he doesn’t even entertain the idea.

Never lying=NEVER letting anyone down.  No assumption of a relationship= no hurt feelings; no whine-bagging mothers complaining that you’re a bad example for their worthless blob of a son who can’t be bothered to play outside and participate in fucking society, let alone make a friend or two, and more importantly, there’s no dumb bitch spilling your beans to your wife, or worse:  all the fuckovertthegoddamnedworld.

Is anyone else just plain old embarrassed at how big Tiger’s vagina is?  I mean grow a set already.  Fuck.  Tiger should have been watching Forensic Files instead of cartoons.  Not necessarily to kill anyone, but so he could at least sound like he knew enough to do it and get away with it.

Please note:  I use the word ‘bitch’ ‘ho’ etc., because, well, I call a spade a spade.  And in my book, any woman who knowingly buys into the idea that fucking a married man constitutes a relationship OR that it gives her the right to anything beyond cab fare or at the very most, $300; is A FUCKING SPADE.

I just don’t see the value of lying to anyone…yourself or to others.   Ultimately, aren’t you just wasting your time and theirs?  That’s the most fucked up part–because Time, is the one thing that no one can get back.

Why do people waste it so often?

People, celebutards and politicians often partake in this antiquated shibboleth with the intention of being viewed as “morally acceptable” in the public’s eye.  This self-serving attitude is what has reduced the institution of marriage to the money-pit/fucking SHAM that it is today.  People get married today FOR THEMSELVES not because they want to, but because they feel that they need to in order to conform or to not be judged.

Self-interest is the very root of the problem with marriage and like any fraud, over time, it proves unsustainable and fails.  Next thing you know, 3 months, 2 years, or fucking 20+ has been wasted; either being the liar, or being lied to.  Either way, it’s not in anyone’s best interests to exponentially compound their Time Wasted by factoring in Time Spent watching mindless TV.

I can assure you the time that I do have will not go wasted with anyone’s DRIVEL.  Not even my OWN.

Fuck that.

I’m busy living my own life—I don’t want to watch you, fuck up yours.

Extra Credit:

If couples stopped watching bullshit TV shows and instead spent that time together doing meaningful things to grow as individuals, which of the following would be true:

(a) They would grow closer

(b) They would move through the “finding out one is a fraud” phase faster, thereby reducing their total time wasted?

(c) a & b

(d) None of the above